Guilty Parties
TOMMIE LEE
My first job in radio happened when I was 12. It shouldn’t count, though: it was just a few shows on an Air-Force Base radio station one summer. My friend’s Dad ran the station, so we got to cue up records and talk.
Since 1988, I’ve worked on stations in South Dakota, Michigan, Indiana, Michigan again, Michigan again, Colorado, Colorado again, New Mexico, and now Indiana again. I’ve been fired twice. That means I have an official career going. And that I’m not really any good at anything else…
I play the bass, I write novels, I will defend the genius of the band Rush until the day I day, and I’m a closet Abba fan. Don’t judge: you know the words to those songs, too. I collect license plates, and will cheerfully accept them at remote broadcasts.
I have never intentionally eaten mustard.
CRAIG “THE BARTENDER” WILLIAMS
Craig has yet to submit a biography, so I’ll make one up for him.
Born on the South Side of Chicago during a fierce solar flare storm, and was thusly granted powers far below those of mortal men. Craig turned down the role of Fish on Barney Miller (missing out on tens of dollars in royalties when the spinoff happened), and mastered the japanese art of haiku poetry while studying at The University Of North-Northeasern Illinois Polytechnic School Of Mines And Technology, winning the coveted Virgilio Award in 1990 with his touching piece, “Jelly Shoes”:
my jellys
ruined at Comiskey
during a rainout
Later, Craig sold abstract art in the lucrative Swiss market, eventually drifting into isolation and insanity. Craig wept the East Race into existence when Frank Thomas left the Sox.
His current wherabouts are unkown.
HEATHER RICHARDS
MICHIANA NEWS CHANNEL
Bringing far more credibility than our show deserves.
Reporting at 20 and 50 past the hour, and whenever breaking news happens.
And for the record…when news breaks…it wasn’t our fault. We were nowhere NEAR there. Or it was broken when we got there. We swear.
GORDY YOUNG
STORMTEAM 16 FORECAST FROM WNDU CHANNEL 16
We love our Gordy, no one else can bring the weather knowledge, look good dressed as a rodent every February, and make a strat cry while playing the blues. His official WNDU Bio here.
FERNANDO
Little is known, really. Native of (maybe) Spain? We know he roots for tehm in the World Cup every year. Occassional contributor to the show and always leaned on for the Spanish Password Of The Day from Hacienda. It’s usually a word you learned in grade school, so we’re beginning to question his credentials. The burro is named Pepe. We suspect he is underpaid.
RAGZ & ROC – FANTASY FOOTBALL FREE-FOR-ALL
Ragz and Roc desperately try to get along Friday mornings around 830 during the season to help us give you a chance to win free food at Roc’s.
KANDY THE NASCAR CHICK
Kandy’s a devoted racing fan who updates the world of NASCAR every Monday and Friday morning during the season. Usually from her living room, in her pajamas, while half-asleep. Which is fine. It allows us the chance to picture her in her pajamas.
FAVORITE UNEMPLOYED STAND-UP COMEDIAN JOHN OSBOURNE
No picture for Ozzy was available in my files. So I put up a picture of Headline News’ Robin Meade. ‘Cause she’s like pretty and stuff. And we like her a lot. I’m pretty sure Ozzy would support this decision, if I asked him.
Ozzy is kind of our unofficial comedian. He looks nothing like Robin. If he did, we’d insist he come in to do his bits, rather than do them over the phone.
Now I’m wishing Ozzy looked like Robin Meade. Sigh. You’re a disappointment to us, Oz…
